As all the stories and movies attest, motherhood is potent. I suppose it's "the" fundamental relationship, certainly Freud would say so. It colors everything we do and feel. The intensity is astonishing - and unfortunately sometimes annoying - but it's unavoidable. That intensity and original intimacy can mean heightened concern and closeness.
It's easy and familiar to keep polishing up all the old habits and hurts, but that really interferes with having a relationship. I know all too well that it's not always possible to discard or even resolve bad feelings or experiences but I wish I'd figured out how to put them in storage so I could have engaged with my parents more. I wish I had been more understanding and appreciated them more openly during their lifetimes. In the end, we all have such a very short time together and then they're gone and we're on our own without them to talk to or even argue with. Parents can be incredibly difficult but so can children. It would be much fairer if we'd shrug our shoulders and realize that whichever side of the divide we're standing on, even going back and forth, we're pissing off someone on the other side. Here's another wish: may parents and children just give it up and call a truce.
I've found being a mother to be wonderful, delightful, exhilarating, frightening, rewarding, amazing at every turn, challenging, difficult, satisfying, upsetting, hopeful, exciting, fascinating, mysterious . . . all the emotions that there are, I guess. I wouldn't trade it for anything. Talk about amazing, my family now includes two new little ones, the children of my children. They are spectacular, astonishing, cute, funny, unique personalities already, and I adore them.
Labels: about me, anniversaries, children, family, gk1
Post a Comment