Sunday, March 5, 2006
what do you think?
My friends and I went to dinner at a nice restaurant last night (terra cotta decor, pleasant and knowledgeable waitstaff, unusual and delicious accompaniments to main dishes, perfectly cooked food, etc. ). At one point, a party of three adults and seven children between 7 and 9 years old were seated at a nearby table. A few minutes after they got settled and ordered drinks, the adults set out two personal dvd players at either end of the table and the two groups of kids focused on the movies instead of continuing to talk with each other.
Here's the thing. I wonder about the merits of using movies to keep children quiet during an evening out. Why go to the trouble of taking kids to dinner with friends and then maintain calm and control by shutting them down? I realize that unexpected and/or possibly annoying chatter was prevented this way, but the dvd's also pretty much prevented conversations or exchanges of thoughts and ideas with the other kids or adults. But am I reacting from habit and convention and not moving along with the times? I'd love to know what other people think.
Here's the thing. I wonder about the merits of using movies to keep children quiet during an evening out. Why go to the trouble of taking kids to dinner with friends and then maintain calm and control by shutting them down? I realize that unexpected and/or possibly annoying chatter was prevented this way, but the dvd's also pretty much prevented conversations or exchanges of thoughts and ideas with the other kids or adults. But am I reacting from habit and convention and not moving along with the times? I'd love to know what other people think.
Permalink | 
| posted by jau at 12:22 AM
— at 10:04 PM, March 06, 2006:
jau — at 8:59 AM, March 15, 2006:
| posted by jau at 12:22 AM
3 more:
— at 10:04 PM, March 06, 2006:
Well, everyone does things differently with their kids. On the whole, I think the world would be a much happier place if we all gave one another the benefit of the doubt and didn’t judge each other so much when it came to raising our kids. I really believe most people have the best intentions and are doing their best and I don’t think it does anything helpful when we sit around and gossip about who does what wrong. (Not that you were doing that here.)
Also, all kids are different and parental goals are different as well. We don’t know the circumstances – maybe they promised to take the kids to the movies that night but then had to go to dinner and this was a way to not go back on their word? We don’t know that the idea was to take the “kids to dinner with friends”, it might have been that the parents wanted to go out to have dinner with friends. For many kids it can be tough to sit still for extended periods of time. Who knows what was going on. Not us.
Of course it’s great to take kids out and have everyone interact. It would be nice if everyone could enjoy “exchanges of thoughts and ideas”. Sometimes, however, maybe something else – like the concern for other people in public – takes precedence.
Personally, I am extremely sensitive to making other people uncomfortable when I’m in public with my baby. Among my friends, there are two main groups: the ones who remove their kids at the first peep and the ones who assume that most people are understanding and that kid noises are loudest to that kid’s parents. I am very much the former! And therefore I can sympathize with a parent who brings a DVD to a restaurant. I usually bring something to entertain my baby – of course at <2 she’s a little young for stimulating conversation.
Two questions for you:
1. I can think of a few times when your kids were not participating in “exchanges of thoughts and ideas” but were in fact being rather toxic. If a DVD would have lightened the situation, would you have considered it?
2. Would you have been more comfortable if the kids were pacified with books?
Also, all kids are different and parental goals are different as well. We don’t know the circumstances – maybe they promised to take the kids to the movies that night but then had to go to dinner and this was a way to not go back on their word? We don’t know that the idea was to take the “kids to dinner with friends”, it might have been that the parents wanted to go out to have dinner with friends. For many kids it can be tough to sit still for extended periods of time. Who knows what was going on. Not us.
Of course it’s great to take kids out and have everyone interact. It would be nice if everyone could enjoy “exchanges of thoughts and ideas”. Sometimes, however, maybe something else – like the concern for other people in public – takes precedence.
Personally, I am extremely sensitive to making other people uncomfortable when I’m in public with my baby. Among my friends, there are two main groups: the ones who remove their kids at the first peep and the ones who assume that most people are understanding and that kid noises are loudest to that kid’s parents. I am very much the former! And therefore I can sympathize with a parent who brings a DVD to a restaurant. I usually bring something to entertain my baby – of course at <2 she’s a little young for stimulating conversation.
Two questions for you:
1. I can think of a few times when your kids were not participating in “exchanges of thoughts and ideas” but were in fact being rather toxic. If a DVD would have lightened the situation, would you have considered it?
2. Would you have been more comfortable if the kids were pacified with books?
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jau — at 8:59 AM, March 15, 2006:
Given the changes between generations, perhaps more intellectually involved, but maybe they won't have the personal resources.
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