Father's Day is soon upon us and after sending amusing gifts and complimentary notes to my son and son-in-law, I started musing about the vastly different fathering that the current crop of young children receives than did my generation. I was raised a few thousand years ago, so it's hard to remember what it was like but the most admired children were supposed to look adorable (hair combed, clothes clean and neat, etc.), act deferential and be polite to all adults, utter very few or no words in public, never say "ow" or "no" or in any other way indicate a ruffled feather, and certainly always do what we were told. I felt I had committed a terrible crime if I cried because a cut hurt or said I didn't want to do what had been asked of me. Imagine, therefore, how huge it was for me at a holiday dinner when I was in my mid-twenties and my mother asked "would you like to set the table now, dear?" and I said "no." She burst into tears (passive-aggression poster child adult that she was) which propelled me to tell her she should simply have told me to set the table. She looked at me as if I had spoken in Pluto-ese. But apologies for getting side-tracked. Back to the subject on hand.

Today's fathers (those of whom I am aware, in any case) share parenting more or less equally with mothers. Children are now the offspring both literally and behaviorally of two parents. That must seem so reasonable to a child! Even fathers who are corporate lawyers and CEOs hang pictures on their office walls of their just-born infants and adorn their bulletin boards and desks with bright colored crayon drawings from their children. They have silly conversations with their children even when colleagues might overhear. I've seen all this with my very own eyes. It's wonderful.

What's puzzling and not at all wonderful, however, is how fathers are depicted in movies and television shows nowadays. In many ways, movies and tv shows are the cultural descriptors and depicters of a generation, so it's really unfortunate.

Years ago, fathers were people who went to the office and came home to exert discipline or fix things or cook barbecues. They were almost never involved in the daily workings of the family except to keep everybody in line. They were idealized but untouchable. And yet there were the ever-involved, always-wise, always-kind and understanding Jim Anderson (Robert Young in Father Knows Best), Ward Cleaver (Leave It To Beaver) and Carl Betz's Alex Stone (Donna Reed Show), among others. Ozzie Nelson (The Adventures of Ozzie & Harriet) was a bit of a flibbertigibbet and he whined terribly but occasionally had wise helpful things to offer.

Flash ahead and now we have Jim Belushi (Jim) who is a bumbling jerk with occasional moments of sweetness, Jon Cryer (Two and a Half Men) who is out of it as well as incompetent (although very funny) and Clark Gregg (Richard in The New Adventures of Old Christine) who can be charming but is utterly ineffective. And films with pathetic or ghastly fathers (American Beauty, The Great Santini, The Shining (ha ha), Liar Liar, Father of the Bride (both Spencer Tracy's and Steve Martin's), The Sopranos, Charlie & the Chocolate Factory, etc., etc.

For a good essay on this subject, read M.K. Freeberg's The Doofus Dad List. Seriously, wouldn't it be wonderful to have a nice, smart, effective, competent father in just a few films and tv shows?!

Labels: holidays, parenting